Gods of Egypt
Director – Alex Proyas
Cast – Nikolaj Coster-Waldau, Gerard Butler, Brenton Thwaites, Elodie Jung, Geoffrey Rush
Rating – 1/5
No one laughs at God in a hospital
No one laughs at God in a war
No one’s laughing at God
When they’re starving or freezing or so very poor
– Regina Spektor
But what if the Gods in question are the glittery ones from Gods of Egypt? What if they ride on flying chariots kept aloft by bugs and trees and birds? What if they had the power to transform into metallic statues and fiery bulls? What if they bled gold and fought snake monsters by hissing at them?
There’s a scene in Gods of Egypt where Gerard Butler, still hungover from 300, bellows at the camera, “You think I’d put any effort into trying to amuse you?” And it makes you wonder, considering the levels of insanity that this movie has been assaulting you with (for 2 hours!), if Gerard Butler was in on the joke the whole time. Because not only is Alex Proyas’ new film borderline unwatchable, it’s irredeemably so.